What He Never Knew by Steiner Kandi

Author:Steiner, Kandi
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Kandi Steiner
Published: 2019-02-20T16:00:00+00:00

Reese

Sweat dripped from my hairline, little drops splattering the concrete at my feet as I curled the weight, my bicep screaming. Rojo was sprawled out just a few feet away, a lazy smile on her face as she soaked up the afternoon sun. She didn’t seem fazed at all by my grunting and panting, though I imagined she was probably used to it by now.

I gritted against the urge to stop, reveling in the feel of physical pain as opposed to the internal pain that had been gutting me since Sunday night. Four days had passed in a sort of daze, a numb transcendence of work and piano during the day, smoking and drinking at night.

It wasn’t the routine I wanted, the one I’d found so much solace in over the summer. I longed for my lessons with Sarah, for the balance she’d brought into my life. But I hadn’t seen her since that night, since she ran away from me like I’d burned her, like I’d hurt her.

My stomach twisted again at the thought that I truly had.

I dropped the weight with a grunt, stretching out the arm I’d been working before switching to the other. I was sore — probably too sore to work out the way I was — but I needed a release. I needed to do something, anything, to keep my mind off what I’d done.

I thought it was impossible to feel like a bigger piece of shit than I already did, but it turned out that, just like with everything else in my life, I’d been wrong.

I shook my head, guilt crawling its way back up my spine like a sticky acid as I curled the weight in my left hand now. I couldn’t verbally abuse myself enough for what I’d done, for making a move on a student — a student who had trusted me, who I had taken under my wing. It was the absolute worst betrayal, to have Sarah open up to me as much as she had and take advantage of her.

It made me sick to think about — so physically ill that I’d actually forfeited my dinner into the toilet Sunday night. It’d been nearly impossible to stomach food since then. How could I? Sarah had been there for me on a night I thought I wanted no one around. She’d listened, all judgment gone as I broke down like a fucking child in her arms. And more than that — she shared the same pain. She didn’t look at me with pity in her eyes, but with understanding.

I didn’t realize how much I craved that connection until I had it.

And because I’m a stupid fucking man, I acted on it. I let those feelings, that vulnerability rule me, like all self control had been blasted out the fucking window. And in the process, I’d hurt the first person I’d felt close to since Charlie.

Fucked-Up Midas, turning everything to shit again.

The weight fell from my hand with a clink as I sighed, brain more exhausted than my muscles.

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